


To Mean It

by gallantrejoinder



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: F/F, Ficlet, Introspection, Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallantrejoinder/pseuds/gallantrejoinder
Summary: There's something wrong with her. Something cold.Margaery doesn't know how to love.





	To Mean It

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a line from Harlots. 
> 
> " _I don't know how to mean it._ " - Charlotte Wells.

Margaery doesn’t show it - the feeling deep down inside, the _feelings_ , plural; the _ability_ to feel at all - because she’s learned well by now. She’s an exemplary student. Grandmother would never accept anything less. 

But it is hard. Margaery struggles to act as her grandmother wants her to. She knows how to manipulate a man with a smile, a curtsy, a laugh. That part is easy - men are easy, just as Grandmother promised. Margaery knows exactly how to pretend at it. 

But she doesn’t know how to _mean_ it.

 

*

 

She and Loras are so close. They always have been, because they’re the only ones that understand the act. A beautiful lady and a valiant knight - only able to confess to one another their doubts, deep into the night.

Margaery is happy for Loras when he finds Renly. Grandmother is too. Marriage is still expected for him eventually, of course - the convenience of Loras’ choice does not negate the need for as many heirs as Grandmother can possibly hope for. But still, something like hope lives in Margaery when she sees how happy Loras is. Something like hope, and something like a broken heart.

When Renly dies, Margaery’s heart hardens. The world’s cruelty cannot penetrate the armor she creates for herself. As she rids herself of her last doubts, she thinks she finally understands her Grandmother. Like her, Margaery learns to be cruel. To survive. It feels - 

Liberating.

 

*

 

But then -

Then there is Sansa Stark.

Margaery has never known a girl like Sansa Stark.

The girl is sweet. She is kind, and naive, and alone. But strong, too - perhaps stronger than Margaery, who has never suffered the way Sansa has. Losing a husband she never really loved does not compare with the loss, and loss, and _loss_ that Margaery sees Sansa overcoming, every time. Despite struggling with her brother’s grief and the knowledge that Grandmother _will_ have her manipulate information from Sansa, Margaery finds herself all too enthusiastic in befriending the girl who might have been her queen.

For the first time since Renly’s death, Margaery feels a glimmer of hope that she can find someone to love too.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr.](https://gallantrejoinder.tumblr.com/)


End file.
